Everyone Has Insecurities
This article will discuss how insecurities fuels jealousy.
I want you to sit back and think about what could have been the reason for someone starting a fight with you. When you think about it you will find that some of them are different but a lot of them are the same. Everyone has insecurities, including you. People that become jealous to the point of hatred have not learned to process their insecurities in a healthy way. These people have sustained their self worth by a false concept that they have taught themselves. Even so the feeling of insecurity is overwhelming in these individuals due to their extreme criticism of themselves. To resolve these feelings they have convinced themselves that the problem lies elsewhere.
When you trigger the insecurities of another person it is because you have proven their learned resolution to be a lie. The main reason why these people are insecure is due to comparison. Secondly they are not able to accept that there will always be a person that is better at a particular task. We must become the best version of ourselves; not the best version of everyone else. Once these insecurities reach a dangerous level they will become jealous of most people they meet. The only people they will truly get along with are people that they can convince to stay in a shell. You will never be able to make this person happy unless you agree to deny the abilities that are instilled within you. Below I will give examples of insecurities fueling jealousy.
Cause & Effect
There are two brothers James 11 yrs old and Mickey is 10 . James is outspoken, cheerful, and bold. Mickey is quiet, creative, and timid. Kevin is their babysitter while their parents are on vacation. He has been their babysitter for 5 years. Secretly Kevin bullies Mickey because he knows that he would get away with it due to Mickey’s timid nature. After getting away with it for some time Kevin decides to bully James. James immediately tells his parents.
The parents are upset and they make sure that Kevin never babysits again. Mickey sees this and becomes jealous of James. When James spoke up it fueled insecurities within Mickey making him feel as if he is weak for being too scared to tell. Since then every time James displayed his boldness it infuriated Mickey. Mickey had his own strengths that he could not tap into because he was too jealous of James. Therefore Mickey made it his mission to prove to James why being bold is a bad thing or to make him feel that he is not actually a bold person.
Root & Consequence
A second example is some examples that we see in adults. Katie is a beautiful woman. She is also a very fertile woman. In addition she started to experiment with dating and intercourse at 17 years old. She became pregnant the first time she had intercourse. The father was young also and wanted nothing to do with the child so now she is a single mom. In spite of that she met another guy at 19 and they had 3 kids together by the time she was 22.
They were in love until they weren’t at 23 years old. Katie is now 23 years old and a single mom of 4 kids. This has caused Katie to feel insecure. Instead of Katie internalizing this as a lesson or finding her strengths; the pain is so great that she compares herself to her friend Erica who has no kids and is married. Seeing Erica who seems to be unable to have kids but is married enrages Katie. She thinks because Erica has no kids her life must be so easy. So Katie makes it her mission to make Erica feel like less of a woman for not having kids. This helps Katie to ignore her own circumstances by making Erica out of the problem.
Foundation & Result
On the opposite end of this comparison we will take a look at Samantha. Samantha is single with no kids and 29 years old. All of her relationships have been short lived due to different reasons. Her best friend Yonna is 29, but married with 5 kids. Samantha is feeling insecure that she is single with no kids because she always wanted 5 kids. She then looks at Yonna and questions her parenting skills.
Samantha has convinced herself that women with kids don’t know what they are doing. The only problem is Yonna is a great mom. So this truth destroys Samantha’s fantasy that women with kids are bad parents therefore she is lucky not to have any kids. Instead of looking to her own strengths she decides to make Yonna feel like a bad parent and wife.
The third and final example is a fellow named Derrick. Derrick is a black man in America. America has torn the black man’s ability to provide for his family down to shreds. To successfully tear a person down you must give them someone to compete with. The person must seem similar to them in some form. The black man was given the black woman as his competition and vice versa.
Worldly Deception Is The Leading Cause
Derrick has a criminal record at just 18 because black people and especially black men are always a suspect. Therefore they are targeted at higher levels when out in public. Derrick was accused of stealing out of walmart and yes he actually did it, but who doesn’t make mistakes at a young age. Most of his White counterparts are not suspected at the same levels.
This leads to more incarcerations in the black community. By decreasing black fathers in the community it also leads to poverty and more crime. He was actually in the store with his wife Myia during this incident and due to society’s programming Myia was never accused. If Myia had been alone then she would have been accused. However due to the push to make the black man and woman compete with one another she is not accused in this circumstance. Derrick is then unable to get a job due to his criminal record. Myia goes on to get great jobs and opportunities.
Tearing Down Of The Psyche
Derrick is happy that at least one of them is able to work and provide. Derrick is also feeling like a failure due to him not having a job. Instead of Derrick finding his strengths he instead decides that Myia must be the problem. This helps him to be able to deal with not being able to provide. Derrick knew how to build houses from the ground up and could have started his own business. Instead he became focused on the fact that Myia was climbing the ladder in corporate America and he was not. Even so, he placed his focus on making himself seem more valuable to America than Myia.
He thought “what does America think I am good at? Well, America says that I am attractive even more so than my wife Myia.” Again America has given black men and women many reasons to compete with one another. Derrick comes up with a plan to show Myia that he is better than her by emerging himself in what America says he is better than his counterpart in.
Outcome
So Derrick then wants to prove to Myia why she is not as valuable as him. This helps him to not think about the fact that he never tried to go after the strengths that were instilled within him from the creator. He divorces Myia because he wants to play the role that America has given him. Which is looking better than his woman which is a feminine role. He then starts to tell Myia that she looks like a man. Society programs this image by making accusations like the only black first lady is a man.
We have never heard this accusation of a white first lady. He tries to convince Myia that she is not pretty because he wants Myia to accept America’s role just like he did. Derrick accepted that the black man can not provide and is pretty. He wanted Miya to accept that she looked like a man and should take care of him in a masculine role. Nevertheless he knows that he is a man so this confuses him; so he starts to abuse Myia mentally and physically to feel more masculine.
He should be a leader in his community but the mind games that America has played has led him into deep insecurities that he then blames on Myia. These roles can also be reversed in ways that black women have placed their insecurities on their sons to bear. It is a continuing cycle of insecurities and hatred that plays out in many ways.
Conclusion
The conclusion here is that if a person is not able to process things that they feel insecure about they will start to blame the person that seems to have what they don’t. The person that they will blame will always be someone that they feel slightly similar too in identity. Like for example the crab mentality unless racially motivated. In that case it is to feel superior. Additionally America created an environment of insecurities in order to breed racism. An example of this is how black people were blamed for police brutality against caucasions. Instead of blaming authorities they blamed another group of citizens all because that group spoke out. It is important that we remember not to let our insecurities steal from us. Your Insecurities can steal your securities. Don’t let insecurities craft you. You should be the one to craft your insecurities into your strengths.
Just because one thing does not work doesn’t mean we are not valuable. We must focus on what we can do and not what we can’t. If you are jealous of someone’s ability to build a house; find out how they built it and build your own. You don’t have to tear down their house. Maybe you don’t have the money to build a house. That’s fine if you don’t. Remember to focus on what you can do and build you a hut. I promise you will love your hut while saving money to build that house. Comparison is the thief of joy and growth.
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