Emotions
Most days I try to live in a space of peace. There are days where disagreements can make me feel Irritated emotions. I can’t allow these type of feelings or emotions to stay on me for long. The first thing I do is pray. Asking the Most High to cleanse my heart and brain of any feelings that he doesn’t want me to have. Then I have to be careful not to spread the emotions to others. So I focus on controlling my tone and the things that I say. After about 20 minutes if I am still feeling some type of way, I go outside. I work out so hard and pray while working out. After that I feel a little better; when I come back to the space I separate myself from everyone.
I spend some time alone and then just like that the feeling is gone. When I pray I never ask for the most High to rid me of the feeling. Unbeknown to me it’s possible the feeling was given to me to push in a better direction. It could just be a down moment from the problem at hand or it could be more. I don’t know so I try not to assume. I hate to argue so if I am in a bad mood I become extremely distant and overly polite. The reason for my politeness is I want to make sure that I am not the cause of a strife.
Processing
The reason why I become distant is because I don’t want to be fake. An example of my politeness is if someone asks me “would you like for me to make you a cup of coffee”? I would say “No thank you.” Which would be the proper answer for a lot of people. Not for me unless I am talking to someone I don’t know well. Due to my nature of talking a lot to people I am close with, this is not me. An answer for me would be something like “No thank you I wanna drink my coffee once I cook breakfast.
For breakfast I am going to cook eggs, toast, and avocado, yada yada yada.” Basically I can’t fake the funk when I am irritated. So I just become polite and distant until I am over it. If possible the problem can be talked out. The politeness also comes from a place of controlling my actions and not allowing my emotions to take the reign. I can also be overly polite to people I don’t know well. I used to be an open book and it was always used against me. So now if we are not really close I just try to be polite but not talk too much. Talking this out makes me come a conclusion.
Conclusion
The main reason I do this is there is no trust established or a broken trust. Who can trust a stranger or someone they’re not close with. The answer is not many people; so it’s not personal. It is just keeping boundaries in place. If I am in the wrong in the situation once I calm down I will apologize. If I was not in the wrong I won’t be laughing in your face. We can move on once you can talk about your part in the wrong. Also I have to feel like you are genuine. Or you will get the part of me that is overly polite and distant forever. At that point my wall is up.
Sometimes there are situations where both parties literally think they are right. In those situations I like to talk about what happened and the intentions behind words that were spoken. There is likely a chance of miscommunication. It could also be a difference in views. What could you do about a difference in views? Well I don’t like to force my views on others. So I respect it, and I don’t talk to that person about views that I know causes strife between us. In return I expect the same. In a romantic situation this wouldn’t work. You could have different views on basic things; but when it comes to serious things, decisions have to be made. I say all of this to come to the conclusion that this is why I have no friends lol. Have a nice day.