Missing Parts Of Affection

 This article is about how I do and don’t show love. Showing love is different for me. My love is more loyalty based. I can be very vulnerable with some parts of affection but other areas could use some work. I don’t show love by giving a hug or saying I love you. Although I know that those actions are a part of love. It’s weird when I think about how I show love. Nevertheless I want to learn to be able to show love in that way. The only person that truly sees that side of me is my husband.

Sharing The Parts Of Me That I am In-Tune With

I try to do it with others sometimes and the words just don’t come out. Although I love others; saying the words sometimes feels like speaking Spanish. I don’t know how to speak Spanish. My way of showing how I love is by helping when I can. There are times where I went out of my way trying to help. Which of course backfired a lot of times. I show love by listening to you when you need to just talk. I try to be the person in your life that is not your burden.

A lot of the times some people confuse this with me being gullible. There are people who think that it is weak to genuinely want to help. Personally I believe that they think you are doing it to prove yourself to them. Furthermore they try to capitalize on your acts of service as if you owe it to them. One thing people don’t realize is it takes strength to be considerate of another person. It is easy to be selfish. Nonetheless I am nobody’s fool.

Sometimes Cutting Ties Is The Best Choice

With that being said, I give you all the rope you need to hang yourself. After that I dust my hands and never look back. That kind of makes me chuckle a little; because it just sounds so cold. What can I say; I go from zero to hundred real quick lol. Okay I am just playing but at the same time I am not. Basically what I am saying is I only have one side to give. Once you show me that you want to take advantage of that side I allow you to show all of your true colors and then I simply vanish. By the way I am not scared to tell you how I feel; I just think it is a waste of time.

I don’t want to go through the phases of telling you that it wasn’t nice for you to try to use me for your own selfish reason or etc. People know what they are doing before and while they are doing it. Nevertheless I can be forgiving; but I have to truly believe you are genuine. Actions tell me everything I need to know about if the apology is sincere. Most people never apologize; so I never look back. I don’t care to play mind games. I’ve said it multiple times, that I don’t care to be in the presence of those that hate me.

Hugs Should Be Simple

Anyways back to me and my inability to be affectionate in certain ways to anyone outside of my husband. I know that I do know how to love. I also know that I don’t know how to do certain kinds of affection in a non-romantic relationship. It just feels unnatural a lot of the time. I want to be able to advance in affection but then I tell myself that it would be weird. Which honestly it probably would be.

The reason why I want to improve in being affectionate in the ways I described is because I know some people who are good people could use a hug sometimes. If I am being totally honest it is something I have to dig deep on. Being affectionate in non-romantic circumstances makes me uncomfortable. Affectionate touch is just one of those things that I never quite got the gist of. By being affectionate I simply mean saying I love you or just giving a hug. I mean, I have done these things but it doesn’t come naturally to me.

We Can’t Have It All

It’s not about whether I love you or not. I do love you. It’s about feeling uncomfortable with giving hugs and just bringing that warm energy. That is the perfect way to say it; I don’t know how to bring warm energy. Wow, this is crazy. I think if I had to choose an energy that I believe that I bring; it would be safe energy. The reason why I say safe energy is because you know that I am not out to hurt you or break you in any way. I will be your advocate. I will never seek revenge.

Now let’s be clear on what I mean by seeking revenge. Seeking revenge and defending yourself are two different things. The way to know which one you are doing is by evaluating your heart on whether your actions come from a place of hate. For example if someone is beating you in the head with a bat and you already have a protection order against this person. In spite of the protection order this person still came to cause harm to you. Now let’s just say you were able to take the bat. There are two options, you could just knock them out and hope that they don’t get up and kill you. Or you could kill them and be done with it. If you were to kill that person; it is not revenge. It is protecting yourself.

Yep I Received Karma For Doing This

I used to seek revenge when I was a lot younger. Funny story, there was one time in my life that I completely lost my mind for a moment. I was 18 and my boyfriend at the time broke my heart. So I call myself seeking revenge on some “that girl got real problems” type stuff lol. I put a cake on him and the new girlfriend’s porch with a knife in it. Now this is the funny part; they sent me a picture of them eating the cake. The funniest part is that my at the time dumb self bought a brand new cake from the grocery store. Now this conversation just went left so I am going to end it right there lol.

Learn Poetry Concepts